Category: community

Our Community

My wife and I were honored as the King and Queen of the Epilepsy Foundation of Eastern Pennsylvania’s Mardi Gras Galas. The Gala is the signature fundraising event of the foundation and brings together Philadelphia’s top neurologists, hospitals, pharmaceutical companies, and members from its business and legal communities to celebrate the Foundation and its accomplishments to improve the quality of life of individuals living with epilepsy and their caregivers.

We were joined at the Gala by an extended table full of our family and friends. There were people at our table that made my son better and that made our lives better. There were people at our table that gave us hope and made us feel like we were not alone. There were people at our table that gave my son a chance made him feel special and normal at the same time. Instead of seeing a sick kid, they saw a baseball player, a jokester, and a dancer. But mostly, they saw a child. And they let him be himself and accepted him for who he was. That is a gift that I can never repay, and having our table full of those people…our people…made that night even more special.

Good evening. We are honored to be here with you all tonight. My name is David Monnerat. This is my wife Kerri, and this is our son.

[Our son: Hi, Is everybody having a great time??]

Our journey with epilepsy started 3 years ago when we moved from Colorado to Philadelphia. Two miles away from where we are tonight, Mitchell had his first seizure. For many of you in this room, you know how scary that can be. We were alone in a new city with no support and found ourselves locked in the hospital watching our son slip away, fighting a battle against an enemy that seemed determined to take him from us.

We have never been so scared, we have never felt so alone. But little did we know, our journey couldn’t have started in a better place. I always say, “We don’t believe there is a malevolent force working against us, a trick of fate where we drew the short straw and our son got sick! We believe this is our path and everyone has “something”. That being said, I am more certain now than ever that there is a force, an energy, a God that ensured we were given every possible gift to help keep us going through this journey. We were given this wonderful city, Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, the Epilepsy Foundation of Eastern Pennsylvania, and the system of support that has come to form our village who are sturdy and enduring, loving and true.

There are people in this room that saved our son’s life.
There are people in this room that put our son back together.
There are people in this room that made him a part of a team.
There are people in this room that have become family.

If you ever wonder if these things you do ever make a difference to anyone, I’m here to tell you that the answer to that question is “yes”.

Thank you for the honor. Thank you for your support for the foundation and for this community. Our community.

Thank you.

Bowling With Friends

Recently, we went to a friend’s kid’s birthday party at a bowling alley. Of course, I had to bowl, too. In the lane next to me was a boy named Brody. He had a tiny, wiry frame and thick, black glasses. When we went for the same ball, he spoke to me but I wasn’t sure what he said. I asked him to tell me again and he repeated himself but I still didn’t get it. His mother who was standing behind him came over and told me it was okay if I didn’t understand him. She helped him get his ball and guided him back to the bowling ramp.

The kid was a machine. He bowled ball after ball, sending one down the lane and then excitedly waiting for it to return up the chute. It was always the same pearl-colored ball, the same adjustment of the ramp, and the same smile.

When the pizza arrived and the other kids sat down to eat, Brody kept bowling. His mother would stick a piece of pizza in front of his face, he’d take a bite, then put his ball up on the ramp. It was like watching an endurance athlete compete with a trainer by his side giving him fuel.

At one point, Brody looked at me after I got one of my many, many (two) strikes and said “wow”. Then he said “fast”. I told him that it helped that I was bigger, but that I’ve watched him send some balls down pretty fast as well. He smiled and picked up another ball and sent it down the lane. “See?”, I said. “Fast.”

For the next hour, Brody and I bowled side by side. We cheered each other on and after almost every ball we’d share a one-liner. I’d say “So close!” “Great ball!” “You’ll get it next time!”. He’d tell me to throw the ball fast again and “wow!” if the pins made a lot of noise and bounced around in the pit.

At one point, Brody sent the ball straight down the middle of the lane. “That’s a good ball, buddy! Good ball!” I exclaimed. The ball pushed through all the pins leaving none standing. He looked at me with a look of such joy and I had the biggest smile on my face. Then he started dancing. Forget end zone celebrations from athletes that do them all the time. There is nothing like watching a kid who accomplished something own it with dance moves.

At the end of the party, I told Brody how much fun it was to bowl with him. He reached over, smiled, and tickled me. I smiled back and went to change my shoes. Brody picked up his ball and carried it to the ramp.

As I sat swapping one pair of stylish kicks for another, I noticed my wife talking to Brody’s mom. I didn’t think anything of it then. But as we headed out the door, Brody’s mom came over and gave me a big hug.

My wife told me after we left how much the way that I treated Brody had meant to his mom. She told my wife that my son saw I how I treated Brody, so he will learn to treat people the same way.

It broke my heart. All I did was treat Brody like the kid that he is, and that was enough to cause a reaction in his mother. Because, for whatever reason, the default from people is to not treat him that way.

It made me think about how people treat my son. Most of the time, he looks like a normal kid and his seizures happen inside our bubble at home. But there are differences that kids do notice and that they already question. Why does his lunch look different from ours? Why can’t he eat the birthday cake? Why does he have an aide to help him in school? Why does he leave early or why is he absent so much? Right now, these questions come from curiosity. But I’m afraid that the day is coming when those around him will turn those questions into ammunition. We have lost our tolerance for people and things that are different.

But the response should not be apologies and isolation. It should be inclusion and acceptance. I’m trying to show my son how to treat other people with kindness and respect so that he will do the same and expect the same in return.  I’m trying to raise a resilient kid that won’t let labels slung in fear or ignorance define him. I want him to understand that everyone has their stuff. But if we make an effort to get through that stuff, we can find a person worth knowing, just like he is worth knowing. And like Brody is worth knowing. And, sometimes, we get to make new friends and, if we’re lucky, we get to see the magic of a smile or a celebration dance. And, sometimes, that effort and that magic will affect the other people around us, too.

Starting From The Beginning

One of the truths about anyone new coming into our lives today is that they will never know how bad things were. Eventually, anyone that hangs around long enough will hear my son’s story. We will tell them how dark the times were and how sick my son got and how grateful we are to be where we are. But looking at my son today, it’s hard for most people to believe that things were that bad.

That disconnect feels isolating. It’s a reminder that there aren’t many people in our lives from that time. We were largely confined to the hospital after moving to a new city. The only people we knew were the medical staff, but they were transitory. We rarely saw any with regularity. Instead, we repeated my son’s history to every new face we saw. But they moved on and we stayed trapped in our world scared, desperate, and alone in the dark. Every day, every week, every month.

Sometimes, when you tell a story over and over again, it can dull the pain. The repetition has a numbing effect that makes it easier to deal with. But when you’re in the middle of it, that doesn’t work. Instead, it keeps the pain and the fear fresh and present. After months of unrelenting confrontation with our new reality, I wanted it to stop. I wanted one person, just one person, who I felt knew us, knew my son and could understand.

After a long string of random faces, my wish was finally answered. One neurologist started coming back through on rotation. Instead of repeating our son’s entire history each time, we could give her updates. She provided consistency and stability through our endlessly repeating days. I began to feel like I was talking to someone who understood what we were up against. Someone who knew how bad things were. She cared about us. Without those connections, it’s hard to imagine anyone fighting as hard as we were to not go back to that place. But she did. And for the last three years, we’ve had her at our side every step of the way.

Until now.

The woman who in many ways saved my son is leaving. I’m trying to be stoic. I’m trying to be grateful for everything she did for us. I’m trying to be happy for her as she pursues more of a focus on epilepsy because of her experience with my son. I’m trying to think about the many more children she is going to be able to help. But I mostly feel afraid. Afraid to take these next steps without her. Afraid that no one is going to get us or my son like she did. Afraid that no one is going to fight as hard as she did because of how connected she was to our story. When there aren’t many people that can relate to what you are going through, the loss of one is significant.

We’re at one of the best children’s hospitals in the country. Our new neurologist is one of the best in that hospital. But she didn’t see my son at his worst and I’m struggling with whether that matters. Whether she’ll fight as hard as she would if she had seen him back when this all started. Whether she will be personally invested in his outcome. Because I need that. I need his caregivers to have that connection to him. I need them to know and call him by his nickname. I need them to know how important he is. I need them to know who he is. He’s not just a patient, he’s my son.

The thought of having to start over is stirring memories from when this all began. I’m afraid of having to start retelling my son’s story and reliving those dark and fearful days. But I’m also going to miss that light that lifted us from the darkness. I’m going to miss having her at our side.

We tell our son to be brave. To be grateful. To try to find the positive. And I am trying, but right now I just feel scared, and alone, and sad.