lifestyle Archives - Page 40 of 42

Livin’ La Vida Normal

Tonight we did something that we haven’t done in a while. We went out with friends.

We’ve been in this city for eight months. Two of them we spent in the hospital, most of them we’ve spent trying to find the balance between giving our son a normal life while constantly worrying about his seizures and his epilepsy. He hasn’t been able to return to school for more than a few hours a few times a week, if that, between his fatigue, his therapies, and his behavior. The poor kid is lonely. His only playmates are his parents and the nurses, therapists, and doctors at the children’s hospital. Even tonight, strolling along the street, we ran in to one of the nurses from the hospital who recognized us and came over to say hello. And I’m grateful for that. I’m grateful that they care so much, I’m grateful that he’s left an impression on them. But for once, I’d like him to run in to a classmate, or a friend.

Tonight, though, we had a bit of normal. The one day this week our son went to school, he ran in to his one friend that he’s had a playdate with since we moved here, and his friend’s parents invited us to go with them to the Night Market, a street food festival in Philadelphia.

The streets were packed with people, but our son and his friend stayed together, and played, and we talked and had a wonderful time with his parents. We walked through the mob, inspecting the trucks and grabbing a beverage and some dinner. Our son, of course, couldn’t have anything because of the ketogenic diet, but he didn’t care. He was out, running in the streets, right alongside his friend, because that’s what normal kids do, and tonight he was a normal kid. And tonight, we were normal parents, doing what normal parents do, too.

Some Days…

Some days, the ball hits you in the face.

Some days, you hit a home run.

Some days, I feel like all I post are sad, depressing stories. And maybe I do. Our lives are full of a lot of that now. But we’ve gone from a lot of bad days, to fewer bad days as a whole, and to just bad parts of days. We’ve even had our first two good days (defined as a) no seizures b) not having to hold him down and c) no screaming) since February.

Even on the days with bad stuff, we’ve had some good stuff, too. My son has met some amazing people at the children’s hospital, and those people care for him very much, and make him feel special when they see him. He’s even participated in a fashion show and a YouTube video while he was there.

In the last few weeks, he’s gotten off multiple medicines and transitioned to a very difficult diet that has helped with his seizures. He’s fought through 5 seizures during a teeball game and multiple attempts to bring him home only to get three hits and score twice. He’s met a football player, a professional ultimate frisbee team (that’s a thing), and super heroes. He’s shown himself to be stronger and braver than I could even imagine.

Some days, life seems hard, and hopeless, and unfair.

Some days, there are specks of light poking through the darkness.

And we’re grateful for each and every one of them.

Two Steps Forward, Eight Miles Back

We’re back on the neurology floor, a week after starting the ketogenic diet. While we are seeing a decrease in the number of seizures, which we hope are attributable to the keto diet, we’re not seeing any progress in his abnormal behavior.

I can’t say that I blame him. Having seizures isn’t fun. Always being tired isn’t fun. Although not going to school probably sounds like fun, it isn’t when you don’t get to see your friends and have to hang around a stressed mom and dad all day long. And now he has to drink oil and cream with every meal, a far cry from pizza and cheeseburgers. But it’s more than that. It’s not an occasional temper tantrum that comes with being five, it’s deceptive, and manipulative, and angry. He’s trying to hurt us and himself, and sometimes he doesn’t remember doing it. That’s what brought us back to neurology.

After a day of monitoring, the good news is that the outbursts don’t seem to correlate to any seizures. The bad news is that they don’t correlate to anything other than being tired, so we’re left guessing whether it is a side effect of the medication or some remnant left over from when his seizures were really bad that altered his core.

Not knowing is always the hardest part. Not knowing when it involves your five year old makes it all just unbearable. It’s tiring, and frustrating, and scary. While I haven’t given up on the long term goal of him playing in the NHL, the reality is that we’re much more focused on the day-to-day. Whether the diet works for his seizures or not, what will his quality of life look like if his brain can’t keep a lid on his emotions? What will it look like if he’s constantly tired, or if his parents are constantly tired and on edge?

There is so much about this that falls outside of the realm of possibility that I thought possible as a life for my son. I’m really trying to focus on the positive, and to be grateful for the nuggets of goodness that we find along the way even though many days, it feels like we take two steps forward, only to find ourselves eight miles back.